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barth anderson's journal
on fatherhood, writing, food, and what not.
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Friday, December 31, 2004
Last month, Kevin Roberts, chief executive of advertising giant Saatchi & Saatchi, told the Financial Times that
he believed consumers in Europe and Asia were becoming increasingly resistant to having "brand America rammed down their throats."
The United States, having broken Iraq, is not in the process of fixing it. It is merely continuing to break the country
and its people by other means, using not only F-16s and Bradleys, but now the less flashy weaponry of WTO and IMF conditions,
followed by elections designed to transfer as little power to Iraqis as possible.
After listening to a mere 30 seconds of this thing, the only thought going through your
head is: "WHY? WHY!? WHY DOES THIS EXIST!?!?!?!?"
~
in baby news, isaiah started rhyming last night. am i kidding myself as overly proud daddio, or is this unusually early
(at 17 months)? he started in before bed and picked it up this morning. "hop. pop. fop. op..."
sounds like me trying to write a poem.
~
lisa is home today creating the notorious bourbon-and-pineapple ham, which means, of course, that 2005 is fast upon us.
so happy new year! ring us in a good one, all you revelers and feastiers and glorious freaks.
"see you on the other side, ray."
Thursday, December 30, 2004
tim pratt tells me it took about 4 months from the time he signed a contract with bantam to the time he got a letter offering him editorial
direction on the book that they purchased. that's good to know - for some reason i was assuming things would happen more quickly.
though i have a pretty good idea what editor juliet ulman will probably suggest for patron saint of plagues, considering
the time-frame, i think it makes more sense to continue working on a completed first draft of the second book in
the contract, magician and the fool, rather than forging ahead on patron saint. i spent the day yesterday
typing in prose nuggets, not only from my lil, solo writer's retreat, but also from a red-hot period of writing before isaiah
was born (i was writing like i had demons on my heels, trying to finish as much as i could before the baby came) - and it
turns out i'm a lot further along than i realized. this is where outlining pays off, since i don't like to write beginning-to-end.
i have solid footholds throughout the outline, now, so i can dig in and start writing at any point in the narrative. furthermore,
it says a lot for the ability to package up the project when life demands and leave it in a place where you can pick it up
again when time allows (after the baby is born, the house is purchased, the move across town is completed, etc).
30 chapters total - 7 are done, and as of yesterday, i'm well on my way to finishing three more. i was originally
hoping that i could finish the second book by the end of the year. now i'm wondering if i could finish it by isaiah's birthday
in august.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
i'm getting stuff done. honest. just finished the second draft of the chapter i wrote in wisconsin, so there.
my agents at scribe agency have their new website up. i'm hoping they'll eventually include a list of all the books they've worked on in their capacity with other literary agents,
because it's an impressive list. they take the standard cut and sold my novel from a cold call. give em a shot,
if you're looking for representation.
from their site:
every time some turgid piece of garbage gets published, a little piece of our entire culture dies—and we can only
take so much dying.
"this case stinks like a polish apricot." - lenny briscoe, law & order
my love affair with L&O ended eons ago, but i'm still sad to see him go.
will work for cthulhu puppets
back from my lil ol writing retreat in the frontiers of wisconsin.
southwest wisconsin reminds me, at turns, of northern california and the blue ridge mountains. it's an alien corner,
so unlike any other part of the upper midwest. we were about forty minutes southeast of la crosse in a little bed and breakfast
tucked into a cosy valley. the walls of the valley and a blanket of snow muffled our little cabin, sound-proofed it. deer
floated through the bare trees. a flock of pheasants hung out in a nearby, frozen marsh. it couldn't have felt more removed
from my every day world.
and the moon. the full moon on monday was brilliant and made the whole valley look like a day-for-night shot. blue and
haunting - we were positively swimming in moonlight.
anyway, i got a lot done. we arrived late afternoon on sunday, left tuesday midday, and i wrote for the space between.
it doesn't sound like much, but it was such a relief to have an unimpeded flow of time that was all mine. while i wrote on
a card table in front of the fire, long hand, lisa and isaiah went on hikes, talked to horses in a field near the b&b,
explored the nearest little town and found a groovy little co-op, found a playground, etc. so lisa bought me time to take
extensive notes for the patron saint of plagues and the magician and the fool, and i even finished a first
draft of a chapter for the latter.
our finances were tight, so we had to come home a day earlier than lisa had planned back in november, when she gave
me this vacation. so she's giving me one more day today, this one with the computer. i'll type in my notes and maybe get another
draft of that chapter i wrote in WI, plus whatever else i might be able to accomplish.
when we got home last night, a package was waiting for me. editor-to-be juliet ulman of bantam sent me a nice little
gifty. because what spreads holiday cheer better than a shambling horror with a festive hat on?
i showed this thing to isaiah and asked him what it was. he picked it up and bounced it on the floor, saying, "hop. hop.
hop."
Sunday, December 26, 2004
for my 40th birthday, lisa gave me some writing time, so we're leaving soon for a bed and breakfast in southwest wisconsin.
there, i'll hole up and write for a day or two while lisa takes care of isaiah.
i've been looking forward to this for a month, thinking how i would approach editing the patron saint of plagues,
book numero uno in my two book deal with bantam, once i had the time and mental space to do so. but i still haven't heard
from my editor (i'm assuming bantam is waiting in order to get me started in the new financial quarter), so i'm
hesitant to pull up stitches and hems in that manuscript until i get some editorial direction. instead, i got up early this
morning and printed out the six completed chapters and outline of the magician and the fool (numero dos in the two
book deal). the two books are pretty different, so it's a real brain-change to make this adjustment - from a hot
zone pot-boiler to a cosmic fantasy chase story - after a month of anticipation. but it's a better way to go, since m&f still
needs a completed first draft.
i'll tel ya how it went when i get back.
Friday, December 24, 2004
in the world of cooking, holidays are like amateur nights at a cabaret. they bring out the people who don't normally
cook and who need a lot of hand-holding. no prob, says me. that's what a place like the wedge is for and i love talking food
with anyone. but this year it's gone to a whole new level.
a customer called the meat dept the other day and asked these four questions of the shockingly patient assistant manager:
1) "Do fish bleed?"
2) "Do they shed blood?"
3) "I mean, is a fish like an animal?"
4) "Do they have hearts?"
Thursday, December 23, 2004
wanted to add one thing to isaiah's list of vocabulary words (below).
"hot" can also mean the harper collins' flame, which he likes finding on book spines all over the
house. the other day we were at wild rumpus bookstore, where there was a harper collins display, a big cardboard thing with hundreds of little flame logos all over it. i thought
isaiah was going to lose his mind. he rushed at the display, index finger raised.
"hot! hot! hot! hot! hot! hot!"
i've tried to teach him bantam ("bok bok! it's a chicken, damn it! BOK BOK BOK!!") but he isn't going for it.
while i agree with this editorial at common sense, i'm also aware that what the writer proposes is part of the ironic, democrat/republican dance - one becoming
the other out of necessity. from the article:
"Progressives can't afford to pass up the opportunity presented by the neglect of most independent businesses owners'
interests. At the least, they could make it too costly for the Bush administration to try using entrepreneurs as cover for
regressive taxes and corporate subsidies. And with some conscious support of initiatives that exploit the division of interests
between giant corporations and entrepreneurs, progressives will discover untapped opportunities and create powerful new alliances."
embracing the jeffersonian allegiance to small-businesses at the expense of their loyalty to the federalism of
adams and roosevelt, the democrats really could reshape the political landscape. moreover, championing the local, independent
entrepreneur could appeal to centrists and progressives alike.
but what will a shift toward small-businesses do for long-held democratic tropes like the minimum wage? worker benefits? protection
from polluters? details, details....we have an election to win in 2006!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
They march this march when the undead corn and fell wheat rise, when the calendar stutters and brings you nothing
but smoke and ruin. When the Burn stirs the very land awake, when your own grandfathers and grandmothers come hunting, these
masks dance the Parade of You.
i hope you'll check it out.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
at 16 months: isaiah's vocabulary
several words have multiple meanings, which are divided by a semi-colon:
mama: mother
dadaDA: father; the wedge co-op; isaiah's milk bottle
aaah: yes
mao: cat (spec. boutros boutros-ghali)
hot: candle, radiator, stove; hand; Hank; hat; hood
hom: home
pom: climb
on: on (said with surprising glee when he sees a light)
off: off; "i want to be naked"; ouch, literally, but this usage usually indicates a recently sustained wound
ot: out; "take the cap/lid off of this container"
eyes: eyes (often said while poking daddy's eye)
muh: moon; Melissa
mah, mah: more
bah: ball
oss: apple sauce (said with verve)
bop: bed
bah or bot/bop: bread
chiss: cheese
cah chiss: cottage cheese
juss: juice
fop: flop (as in, "- on daddy's head")
deesh: do some dishes
itch: kitchen
brew: broom
ots: oats
dart: dark
da!: ta-da (used when making a dramatic entrance through the drapes)
taw: draw
tan: crayons
dreh: grey
brow: brown (his favorite - usually blurted with curious force)
boo: blue (said as though trying to blow a fly off his nose)
aazh: orange
ed: red
puh: pink; purple
pah pah: fish
moo: cow
oo oo: monkey
up: up; plane or bird: in the imprative it means "hold me."
dow: down; in the imperative, "unhand me, sirrah."
done: "i'm finished"; "stop"; "that pisses me off"; "take this food from me before i throw it"
~
US Meat Plants Violating Mad Cow Rules-Meat Inspectors Union Says
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. meat plants are allowing brains and spinal cord from older cattle to enter the food supply,
violating strict government regulations aimed at preventing the spread of mad cow disease, a federal meat inspectors union
said on Monday.
[and...:]
Japan, the No. 1 market for U.S. beef in 2003, said it would reopen its borders once Washington could assure that only
beef from cattle 20 months or younger would be shipped.
"I would think (Japan) will definitely have a concern about this," Painter [the union's chairman] said.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
here are some handy-dandy stocking-stuffer ideas for those
curious, eclectic readers in your life. most of my blog-buddies will already know these venues and probably own copies,
so this post is aimed at friends and family who have yet to fork over some jing to the chapbooks and anthologies that
print my work - it just wouldn't seem like christmas without a
guilt-trip, would it?
here we go. get yer credit cards out, peeps:
newly minted Scattered, Smothered, Covered from Two Cranes Press
has my story "the night-spoil boys" in it. plus the collection contains my wife's first published recipes! order
here. now.
Say...Aren't You Dead? contains my story "season of the beasts."
Flytrap #2 contains my story "scrapbook for an epidemic."
the full line of Rabid Transit chapbooks are here (issue #1 has a story of mine; for the rest, i was simply involved in the co-editing).
"the
mystery of our baraboo lands" can be found in Polyphony 3.
"sand dollars and apple halves" is in Alchemy 2.
"lark till dawn, princess" can be
found in nalo hopkinson's Mojo Conjure Stories (the story and collection won spectrum awards this year).
if you have all those (and
i know you don't) then prove yourself even more worthy by glomming up some other publications. these would be great additions
to your syllabi for upcoming college coursework (hi don, hi aeron!) or for the writer looking for something unique to read
in quiet moments after the kid goes to bed (hi anne!) or for corporate-sponsored bidness trips (hi jeff! - yeah, like
he reads my blog...) or for lunch breaks instead of the paper (hi karen!) or for whateverthefuck (hi greg!).
nick
mamatas' Move Under Ground. a beatnik cthulhu novel, and it's good, i shit you not. mamatas does an honorable impression of kerouac's prose
and an even better homage to lovecraft's freaked out shit. great fun.
k.j.
bishop's Etched City - a killer first novel. brutality married to righteousness and swaddled in sentences lush as cheesecake. *kissing fingertips.*
mwah! (i go out on a limb: this one might even appeal to my old D&D crew, if any of you are out there reading
this.)
sean
stewart's Perfect Circle - a protagonist after my own heart: a cheeky texas-slacker with a yen for music. this is a ghost story with deep emotion,
and has as much to do with the our own broken hearts as the broken hearts of the dearly departed. and its funny as sin, too.
(sorry
about the multiple fonts above. now and then, my blogware simply refuses to obey me.)
Friday, December 17, 2004
what's the best thing about wisconsin, beyond being able to walk to a tavern anywhere in the state? from the nation:
These rural [Wisconsin] Democrats even had a suggestion for who should lead [the] opposition. And it wasn't
Hillary Clinton or John Edwards. When I was describing what a serious opposition party would stand for at this moment in history--starting
with an absolute rejection of the war in Iraq and empire building and going on to a passionate defense of civil liberties
and a willingness to stand up to multinational corporations--a bearded fellow in the crowd shouted, "We've got someone who
can do it--the only senator who voted against the Patriot Act: Russ Feingold."
Thursday, December 16, 2004
isaiah update: the little goblin is now tall enough to pluck butcher knives off of the cutting board that slides
out from beneath the kitchen counter.
this changes everything.
~
i'm not a big PETA guy. i eat meat and i understand that killing animals is necessary for me to eat meat. i've even toured slaughterhouses and
eaten meat later that day. so there.
nevertheless, there's absolutely no reason for being cruel to animals that are already doomed. PETA performed a handy
bit of gotcha journalism this summer by planting a hidden camera in a Pilgrim's Pride chicken processing plant in virginia. the video shows managers and workers stomping chickens, throwing them against a wall,
etc (if you really want to see it, the video is here, but be forewarned - it aint a non-stop laugh-riot ). KFC, whom PETA has targeted for elimination, was absolutely, positively, unequivocally outraged at their supplier's behavior.
i mention this not as an animal cruelty issue however, since i chanced across pilgrim's pride in another context
this week. at the Environmental Working Group's Farm Subsidy database, i happened to see that pilgrim's pride was Number Four on the "all time biggest welfare recipients list" last year
(and Number Eight since '95). how much of your money got doled out to them? $11 million dollahs, despite the company enjoying
over $2 billion in revenue the year before, according to IATP.and how much free money has pilgrim's pride received since 1995?
a cool $26 million to the second biggest poultry outfit in the world.
watch that video, if you dare, and think to yourself, america paid these thugs' salaries several times
over.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
isaiah loves looking for the moon. tonight it was a moon right out of a tim burton movie - a healthy slice of silver
on indigo behind halloween silhouettes of bare naked trees. when isaiah saw this moon, he got quiet and lifted his open
hand as if in supplication. i half expected a low note on bassoon and cello.
the other day, i ran into my friend steve at the co-op. he's an editor at conduit and a swell guy. he had a friend with him (new girlfriend?) whom i hadn't met before, and i really put my foot
in my mouth. we were talking about some mutual friends who have a new baby and how the first few months of being parents were
pretty rough for them. steve was telling me that jon of said couple told him, "if we knew it was going to be like this, we
might never have done it."
now for the record, what i meant to say in response was something like, "yeah, it's a little late to back out at this
point." but what i said was, "yeah, and now it's a little late for him to pull out."
followed by the tell-tale thud of silence. nice first impression on your buddy's new girlfriend, anderskin!
Monday, December 13, 2004
i'm arranging my study in preparation for a year of writing - two novels, some short stories, and whatever else
comes spilling out of my brain. i cleared out all the non-writing clutter and matter from my desk and surrounding regions
yesterday and put up three bulletin boards: one for the plague book, one for the tarot book, and one for short stories.
i'm terrible at keeping one notebook for one story - my back pockets are usually loaded with notes written on envelopes and
the backs of used faxes. the bulletin boards will help me sort through teh barrage of notes i take in a given week. most are
for short stories, little jottings. that's the way my favorite short stories are written - little nuggets that would
seem like drunken dithering if you read the first notes, creased and frayed from being pressed next my wallet. but these
little scrawls spark something later, after time has matured them so i have to have a better system for salvaging and remembering
them.
should help the novel process too. i can look at all these notes referring to far-flung quarters of the book and decide
which ideas stay and which ones get pulled off the board in disgust. this is much better than keeping them housed
in the coffin of a notebook, where, once the covers are shut, i have a tendency to forget about marginal notes to
myself. plus a bulletin board winds up being a sculpture-collage of the book-to-be with photos clipped
from magazines that remind me of characters or key moments, maps and personal photographs of location (in the case of the
plague book, shots from our last trip to mexico city), or anything that visually arrests me and hauls me back to the
book for questioning.
i also cleared out my backpack and put an expandable file and notebook there, which will be solely for the plague book
- an array of early chapters on hand for easy reference when i'm stealing minutes before or after work. i'm planning on shortening
the first quarter of the novel considerably, so it'll mean rewriting, not cutting and nibbling at the word count. the notebook
is for new prose, and i'll just shove hand-written pages in with the filed chapters, and type it all into the computer when
i have desk-time.
that's what i did yesterday. oh, and i watched bad football while i sorted and rearranged and pounded nails. blown coverage,
poor coaching, capricious play-calling (and not just the vikings!). i'm about ready to bag my football jones. the NFL is in
serious decline and i'm not patient enough to sit through crap, waiting on the rebound.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
"Sand Dollars and Apple Halves", which is not only the best thing I've read by Barth Anderson, but, for my money,
the best thing Alchemy has yet published -- a lyrical, emotionally affecting sort-of-fairy-tale that could easily
have veered into cliche and avoids it magnificently.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
put a baby to bed by myself. harvested carrots. presented a scholarship in my dad's name. sold a novel.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
naah, i haven't done resolutions in years, though this coming new year's i might.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
oui! i'm an uncle for about the billionth time over. my brother mark and his wife aeron have an adorable little girl named
sophie. my friends jen and jim had their baby in early october. steve and molly had baby #2. i'm knee-deep in a liberal
baby boom.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
well, lisa's kitty karintha vanished. a death of sorts. our house still feels like a mirror in search of a diva without
her.
5. What countries did you visit?
diaperland.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
time and mental space.
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
9/18/04: isaiah walked.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
selling the goddamn book at long last.
9. What was your biggest failure?
no big failures this year, i don't think.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing worth whining about. the migraines should technically have started already, so i'm happy just to be sitting here
without clutching the side of my head and wishing hate on creation. :)
11. What was the best thing you bought?
francine the 1994 escort wagon.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my agents'.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
not worth going into. extended illness can bring out the worst in those around a stricken person, but one can be nothing
but forgiving in such terrible moments.
so let's just say "rummy" and move on.
14. Where did most of your money go?
mortgage.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
i still can't stop grinning about isaiah's first steps.
16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
lone star, but anything on nora jones' first album, really. that song has been ground into my head like
a jingle because it's iko's bedtime music. he adores it, and, frankly, it's better than 99% of the kiddy lullaby music he
could have latched on to.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
am i what? go on. ask.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
i wish i'd gotten to wisconsin to see my brother robin more frequently.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
reading about the election.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
dunno. probably watching the little goblin suck on his new toys.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
continually. with my neighborhood and son, especially. but there's something cool that happened when i became a dad. i
started to see people very differently. see #39 below.
23. How many one-night stands?
oh puh-lease.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
six feet under (first season on DVD - perfect for exhausted parents).
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
again, let's just move along.
26. What was the best book you read?
vandermeer's veniss underground.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
that lone star could knock my kid out like a valium.
28. What did you want and get?
for my birthday, lisa reserved 2 days for me at a bed and breakfast in wisconsin's "driftless region." two days of uninterrupted
writing. ahhhhhhhh.
29. What did you want and not get?
a new president.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
my movie-going is in the shitter.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
on my official birthday (nov 27) i went to a water-park in greenbay. but that's too depressing for words, so let's talk
about that surprise birthday party lisa threw for me. people in the know delayed me at work and i walked into our house without
a damn clue. prezzies, balloons, charismatic friends, cakes, tons of mexican food*, loads of red wine, and dancing till
very deep in the night. it was a superb way to turn 40.
*parenthetical party prep anecdote: lisa had the affair catered by my favorite local mexican restaurant. when
she picked up the many trays of food beforehand, she asked the proprietor, "will this be enough food?" and the woman looked
worried for a minute, then said, "son mexicanos?" (will there be mexicans there?), and lisa said, "no, solamente
gringos." the woman nodded with confidence, saying, "bastante." (it's enough.)
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
if my bro robin hadn't been put under hospice care for parkinson's. that's been a continuing kick in the face for the whole
family.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
"metrodaddio."
34. What kept you sane?
falling asleep while looking at my kid's profile.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i have a thing for condoleeza rice. it's sick and wrong but there it is.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the organic industry flexing its muscle to get the USDA to back off from gutting the organic standards. it's always a high
when right makes might.
37. Who did you miss?
don and diane. chris barzak, tony wong, travis, and mandy. and i miss my brother mark who should really live
in minneapolis, but hey, he's got a fantastic gig in WI. and i always miss my pa.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
my niece sophie, of course! but, also, at wiscon, i really enjoyed meeting the funny deborah layne, the erudite david moles,
and the gracious patricia mckillip (she liked isaiah so she's a keeper). also todd churchill, an encyclopedia of grass-fed
beef knowledge. dan french of pastureland co-op, who's gouda came in 3rd place in the annual judging of the american cheese society this year.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
now that i'm a dad, i see everyone as the children they might have once been. i look at people now and shitty posturing
and vapidness fall away. hostility and angry coldness vanish. the mask of masculinity, hyper-nervousness, self-doubt, self-importance,
self-destruction, self-loathing, weird emotional randomness, irrational fright, monkey-minded flightiness. dick cheney was
a baby once. so was randy moss. so was condoleeza rice. innocent once and dearly adored. maybe something happened to
fuck em up, but it's all irrelevent when you consider that they were once as open-faced, agenda-less, and excited as
a one-year old.
we can be that again if we choose it, and i'm always shooting for that these days. facing my life with openness and delight.
link
retail skills workshop
a good charlton heston imitation is the mark of a seasoned grocery worker. you have an enormous "cheese plate" of quotes
when it comes to chuck:
"there is no phone ringing, damn it!"
"get your paws off me you, damn dirty ape."
"soon they'll be breeding us like cattle!"
and here's my stand-by:
"behold! the obelisk of your jubilee!"
i've been working on an escape-artist story off and on for over a year. i put it away, i pull it out, i write, i put
it away. nada. it just doesn't go anywhere. then i received an invitation to submit a story to a themed antho a couple days
ago, and lo, something snapped into focus.
no more details. it will all become clear soon enough...
check out the the environmental working group's farm subsidy database some time. this is a great site for rolling the capitalist shark over in order to see its squirmy, socialist underbelly.
here, you can click on individual states and see which of your friendly neighborhood corporate farmers are getting fat as welfare moms on your money.
also, the EWG subsidy site is loaded with fun facts, like:
"Taxpayers have spent more than $131 billion on federal farm programs over the past nine years."
"In 47 [US] counties where agriculture exists almost purely by the grace of government, taxpayers could have
bought outright half the farms or more for the money we've spent in just the past nine years."
but these federal subsidies keep our food cheap, right? that's what i thought, too.
"Two-thirds of the nation's farmers get no subsidy payments whatsoever. For the most part they don't qualify because
they grow the 'wrong' things. If you want to see what the wrong things are, stroll through the produce aisle or meat department
of your local supermarket. The farmers who produce most of America's food do so without a check from taxpayers." (the
vast majority goes to cotton.)
ooo, and here's my favorite:
"The top four percent of recipients, for instance, number just over 122,000. Yet they cost taxpayers about $65 billion
over 9 years, which works out to an average of $529,000, or nearly $59,000 per year."
and of the top 40 individual farms receiving the most aid from the farm bill in 2003, only two come from blue
states - california and maryland. all the rest were farms in welfare-shunning red states (ag-welfare to alabama, for example, quadrupled
in 2003).
Thursday, December 9, 2004
the logical outcome of NAFTA's effects on US agriculture is finally hitting home with traditional conservatives
(as opposed to neocons, who don't give a rat's ass what happens). what's that, conservatives say? US agriculture
is getting undercut into a race to the bottom with mexican ag?? we're shocked, SHOCKED!
though the US is dumping record subsidy packages on corporate farming conglomerates, the US will probably never
compete with cheaper labor and cheaper farming production costs abroad. this editorial in today's ny times lays out the goldwater-era conservatives' concerns, which seem quaint and somehow liberal
in today's political and economic climate. the writer, victor davis hanson, a fellow at the flat-tax lovin', federal government
hatin' hoover institute and a contributor to the national review, closes his editorial saying,
As he assembles his staff, the new [USDA] secretary should look to hard-nosed conservative farmers, in and out of
government, both Democrats and Republicans, who would find ways to preserve farmland, promote local farmers markets, emphasize
sustainable agriculture and rebuild rural communities.
sustainable agriculture?? dewd, that is like so right awn, man.
you know that the country has steered itself into in very weird terrain when "hard nosed conservative" think-tanks line
up in agreement with "yellow dog" liberal think tanks like the crunchy land stewardship project, for example, whose mission statement reads:
The mission of the Land Stewardship Project is to foster an ethic of stewardship for farmland, to promote sustainable
agriculture and to develop sustainable communities.
where left and right agree: corporations and the fed government have tag-teamed agriculture - and they've won handily.
hanson "calls into question the need for the billions paid out to profitable American agribusinesses in a time of war and
deficits." no duh. the real question, however, is whether or not consumers in the free market hanson loves so dearly will
pay the true cost of their food.
when i strike a deal with new farmers, i ask them to price their products so that they cover the cost of production.
you'd be stunned how many farmers just look at me blankly. they have no idea how to even calulate the necessary figure, because
covering the cost of production is an alien concept in US ag (the current price of corn, for example, is 50 cents
less per bushel than the cost of production). if you end subsidies, you'll also have to figure out a way for farmers
to earn a fair return on their investment, because it's not enough to cover production in the capitalist system.
farmers gotta make some coin, too, if they're gonna grow corn next year, too.
taking US agriculture off of the dole will mean that grocery shopeprs will pay 5-10 times as much for staple food items.
you think the middle class is going to stand for that? if the price of corn goes up then the price of beef goes up.
if the price of beef goes up, meat consumption will drop to pre-WW2 levels, when steaks were the emblem of wealth. if that
happens, the oil industry will take a major hit, because Big Oil and Big Beef are symbiotic (it takes 350 gallons of oil to
take a single cow to slaughter - that goes a long way in explaining why we want to "protect freedom" in iraq).
no more subsidies? hanson the arch conservative sounds like one o' them antiestablishment radicals to me.
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
oh one more thing. i heard a funny celebrity anecdote at the bar last night. a couple years back, patrick stewart was
in town for the guthrie's "glass menagerie" (he was living just a few blocks from the wedge, as a matter of fact). anyway,
stewart was at the walker art gallery almost every day that he was in town. one day, some guy recognizes patrick stewart as
he's on his way in and makes the vulcan "live long and prosper" sign at him. stewart didn't miss a beat, he just raised
his eyes, saw the trekkie sign, and flipped him the bird.
i can just see ol patrick with that expression on his face like someone had passed foul cheese under his nose.
"fugg awff, numba one."
i create the ads for my co-op, and my co-op advertises in the onion, so i got invited to the onion's
client appreciation bash down at brit's pub last night. lisa was very nice to cover home base for me while i got to schmooze
and rub elbows. it was rough. all you can drink from 8-10. og, my brain it hurts me.
the night started off well with a strikingly pretty bald woman hitting on me in the parking ramp. she wanted me to help
her find the best margaritas downtown. i declined and thanked her, probably more profusely than i should have. men with omnipresent
apple sauce stains on their shoulders are delighted by such moments.
after that, it was just beer beer beer. hipster hipster hipster. pick up line pick up line pick up line. low point of
the night: being forced to listen to a 25 year-old real estate prick talk about his fool-proof method of "closing the deal"
with women: "tell them they look like shit. then when it looks like you're destroying their egos, tell them the opposite.
they can't resist you, then. works every time."
highlight of the night: telling the real estate prick i'd just sold my first novel and watching his eye-batting, mouth-gasping
response. totally weird. it was a reaction that my friends and i later parsed as either fear or or jealousy or humiliation.
all three? dunno. bizarre moment, yet precious.
after that, things got diffuse when all my drinking buddies scurried off. staying to finish my beer, i watched the real
estate prick leave by his lonesome (so there, ya prick), then there was a tunnel of street lights as i soared up park avenue
to my neighborhood, zero seven on the deck for mood decontrol.
luckily the boy is now napping (finally!), and the fishhook that was jabbed in my left temple is just about gone.
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
by the way, since the election is over, it's okay for liberals to release their inner admiration for ralph nader again. come on. he IS your agenda. case in point:
Wal-Mart is devilishly ingenious in thinking up ways to have taxpayers fill in its wage gap. Put [workers] on partial
welfare, says the very well-paid company bosses who make millions of dollars each per year. These workers are given advice
on how to apply so that taxpayers subsidize Wal-Mart’s profits.
For example, in Georgia, over 10,261 children of Wal-Mart employees are enrolled in the state’s Peachcare program for
health insurance in families meeting federal poverty criteria.
According to the report, Everyday Low Wages, one 200-person Wal-Mart store could cost federal taxpayers over $420,000
per year. These costs include subsidized lunches, health insurance and housing assistance, federal tax credits and deductions
for low-income families, among other examples of Wal-Mart’s freeloading. (common dreams)
he's speaking the red-state language, you'll notice, applying the same standards on corporations that conservatives use
for "welfare moms"," who suck up far fewer tax dollars in comparison.
but no. instead, this is the kind of loopy thing that democrats are devouring.
we switched our kitchen around this weekend. moving the refrigerator to the south wall and the rolling cabinet/cutting
board next to the stove has turned the kitchen into a far more "cook-friendly" space. it also makes the whole room seem bigger.
why didn't we do this months ago? oh right. kids steal your brain.
in celebration, we made salmon croquettes from some leftover fish (about the very best thing you can do with leftover
fish), a bowl of fingerling potatoes, and some lacinato kale. simple and lovely, with isaiah mashing spuds into his face.
speaking of, it's been a rough couple days for the boy and me. isaiah really is entering his Two's (at 16 months). which
is no big whoop. i'm totally into raising a kid with a strong will, so it's not like i'm shying from the challenge. and he
never "tests" to be naughty, of course. he does it to confirm where the limits really are. but telling him "iko, no, the crayons
stay by the paper" fifteen times a day just grates on ya after a while. so it's been mostly challenge and no pay off lo this
last week, especially since, when he needs comfort, he goes to mama. this wears on the heart after a while, you know? what
am i? ward cleaver? the whip? the hammer? my frustration was just jelling into resentment, when, last night, he asked
lisa for daddio to feed him and put him to bed, instead. the battle of wills just vanished as soon as we got in the rocker
together, and he curled into my arms like a baby. my beard is coming back in and he felt the grain of it while he nursed his
bottle, stopping now and then to shout "da da DA" at me.
it doesn't have to be every day. but damn i need that to recharge the daddy battery.
Monday, December 6, 2004
(for a laugh, click through and read about matthew mcconnaughey's arrest, then check out the shit-eating grin on his
mugshot. then for a wince, view glenn campbell's appearance in the hoosegow. oog.)
ok. last one. for real:
"The story has many levels, each appealing to a different piece
of my heart. The love between the old man and his punk prodigy is tender one moment and violent the next. Their witchly power
is ancient yet newborn. The punk opera is funky but classic. The neighborhood is decaying elegantly one minute, then rejuvenated
to soullessness the next. This story puffs forth a breath of fresh air." - Suzanne Church, Tangent Online
this entry will be a little scattered. i've been wanting to post for days but i've been crazy busy lately. if i owe you
email, it's forthcoming, i hope. lots of deadlines and upheaval at work last week, thanksgiving the week before, out of town
guests, that surprise party. and i'm writing lots, which is cool. what else? lisa's been applying for a library
job (her own, actually, but the permanent version of it) which she may hear about today. iko's been teething like a lil vampire
and demonstrating that his terrible two's will be machiavellian in scope.
ooo. here's an isaiah story, i've been meaning to tell.
lately, he's been obsessed with the moon. he wants to go look for it in the middle of the day and motions his "where
is it?" hand-gesture (wrists turning, palms up - a pretty universal gesture). but he also has this intonation thing going
which is a total panic. he doesn't have the words yet, but he has the rhythm and music of conversation. it's hard to describe
in text, but he gestures "where is it?" and then sing-songs the patter of i-WONder-where- it-WENT? then at the end
of that musical phrase is "muh" - which of course is "moon."
so last week he was asking where the moon was, and i explained that it was daytime. the sun was out. the sky was bright.
no moon, man. but he just made the same questioning gesture. "isaiah, it's daytime. there is no moon now." i showed
him the sky from our bay windows and it was like i was confirming his confusion. "yeah, i know, where the hell is it?" he
seemed to sing-song. "you have to wait until it's dark, then you can see it," i said. immediately he squirmed out of
my arms, marched across the living room floor, diaper pivoting with purpose, and stood in front of the open bedroom door.
he pointed into the dark room, arm straight, accusingly, and yelled "dart!" [dark]. then he looked over his shoulder at me
and made the where-is-it? gesture and let out a dramatic sing-song sentence that sounded like, "ok, smart guy. it's dark in
there. where's...the fucking....MOON?"
hey kid. lay off. i just work here.
~
remember iraq? oh yeah, the democrats were all steamed up about that place a few weeks, weren't they? gosh, they got
quiet. anyway, this article by naomi klein explains why, to a degree, kerry not only failed to critique the president and
his adventure in iraq, but why bush may now act with impunity. a slough of abu ghraib scandals could wash across american television sets, and no one would say a word.
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
i have a love/hate relationship with wisconsin, my homestate. love the neighborhood taverns. hate the camaros with flames
painted on them. love devil's lake. hate the wisconsin dells. love love, love, love the near-east side of madison,
but could really do without most of milwaukee. and sheboygan. and eau claire.
but this is a very sad thing, no matter which way i look at wisconsin. cleaning up the fox river so it didn't dump so many toxins into
lake michigan was a big issue when i left madison 12 years ago.
The lower Fox is not only one of most heavily industrialized rivers in the Great Lakes region but also the site of
the world's largest concentration of paper mills. Paper dominates the local economy, providing thousands of jobs and creating
the kind of steady prosperity that many industrial areas would envy.
It also has transformed the Fox into one of the worst toxic sites on the Great Lakes. From 1954 to 1971 the mills discharged
hundreds of thousands of pounds of PCBs into the river. That prompted a state warning to limit consumption of fish and ducks
from the river.
on wisconsin. at least they're finally cleaning it up.
the deed is done
after asking one of my agents about an hour's worth of questions last night, i plugged in "i want to take you higher"
by sly and the family stone, poured myself a chewy cabernet, and signed both my contract with bantam and my w-9 form
on the back of isaiah's currently favorite book, tickle, tickle.
flashback to my surprise birthday party a week and a half ago: drunk and buzzing from the unexpected bash, i was presented
with lisa's famous mississippi mud cake which held four lit candles (i only get a candle per decade now, 'parently).
i took a breath, ready to wish the wish i always wish...and realized i couldn't, anymore. that wish came true. it was a funny,
frozen moment, candles under my nose, me holding my breath, thinking of lisa, iko, and the two-book contract zipping
its way across the continent to my mailbox, and me wondering, "what the fuck could be better than this?"
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